Posted by: Sally | September 16, 2007

If you wait long enough, ….!

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                                                    A PICNIC AND HIKE IN THE MOUNTAINS NEARBY

So many eras I didn’t think I would live through—-crying babies with colic; ear infections and nocturnal asthma; hysterical fits and fusses and tantrums for never ending years, one day at a time, with a mysterious child with adhd, ocd and odd; marriage struggles between me, a totally romantic, relational woman married to a totally rational, organized man who had to work way too many hours to keep this family afloat; messes, moves, rejections from family for our ideals; 17 moves; loniliness, too little help or support systems; financial crisis; illnesses and hospitalizationa and testings never ending; church splits; irrational people; and on and on.

Today, as I look back, I am still here, but God has changed me through it all. I am more patient with everyone, because I see how much I needed patience and still need compassion. I appreciate my faithful husband who has stuck with me through it all and has continued to dream of how we can change the world and write new books and keep this ministry afloat, (amidst him doing 4 loads of laundry yesterday, while I grocery shopped, worked on dinner and took Joy to play rehearsals). I see that I appreciate the Lord more, I am less attached to this world, don’t really care much what other people’s opinion of me is, and greatly enjoy my adult children as my best friends. (Maybe through all the struggles, my efforts at keeping going, training them, reading to them and telling them passionately about the Lord was really accomplishing eternal results in their hearts–but I didn’t always feel like it mattered.) I am pretty relaxed with Joy because I know the Lord will faithfully use our family, with all of its glitches, to make her adequate for her life, like He did the others.
I often didn’t think I could make it through another day, depressed, exhausted, overwhelmed. Feelings were often dark. But I had no choice but to keep putting one foot in front of the other. God knew I could make it. God breathed life into my children’s souls. God taught Clay and me more about unconditional love and grace. As a good Father, the Lord was training and disciplining me, as His own child. Stretching me and building into my life, by using my own children as a soul-shaping tool. He is so good and so faithful. My family and my life became the road to my ultimate joy and freedom from the things I thought would fulfill to the things that truly fulfill. He used them to surgically remove some of the rough edges, expose the immaturity, remold my values and thoughts.

I still have my ups and downs, sometimes sadness and dark thoughts that a fallen world brings, and don’t know how my children’s stories will sort out, but I am more familiar with the process and the Trainer. Thank you, my sweet Lord, for your wise ways, for keeping us going, for filling our souls with that which matters. Thank you that you helped me to keep going and going and waiting and waiting. How grateful I am that it is all in your good and capable hands. The sweet memories, the hope that comforts, the work that satisfies, all the things I did not know or understand when we first started. Keep me faithful and hopeful as I continue on this path of your making.

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Responses

  1. Thank you your words were such a blessing to me today.

  2. Just wanted to thank you for the blessing I got from spending a bit of time here. My daughter Sarah sent me this way, and I’ll be back for more. xoxo

  3. Thank you so much!!! After recently completing a Mission of Motherhood study, while in the midst of raising children ages 6,4,3,1 and a baby on the way, I wondered if you ever felt the way I do at times. It’s truly inspiring to hear that you have the same emotions and struggles while working to build a godly family. Thank you for being so honest and thank you for sharing this! How refreshing.

  4. Dear Sally,
    I so needed to read those words today-Thankyou for being so honest & transparent.I often think of you as I am pondering our own journey.Man it is so full-on,some days seem to be me just scraping through & I wonder ‘Is this what it’s meant to look like?’.I am HS mummy to 7yo,6yo,4yo & 6mo bubba.We have just come through sickness & 7yo in hospital & baby not sleeping etc,etc.I tell myself this is a season but sometimes I do feel darkness clouding my mind & everything I see is through negative lenses.Anyway thankyou for pointing me to Him who is faithful,for lifting my gaze to the greater purpose.Many blessings.Skye.

  5. I just discovered this blog a few weeks ago, although I have read some of your books over the last five years. As the wife of a pastor, I am especially grateful for your perspective on homeschooling, family and ministry.

    We still long to find a community where we can feel at home. But slowly God is teaching me to rely on Him for comfort and companionship and to be patient for friends. Even though I have never met you, you have been a very holy friend to me.

  6. Thanks for truthfulness! At times I feel the same way and in the end am grateful for what God is doing in my life.

  7. I love this in combination with your other, cheerier posts–because these, together, paint a complete picture of what life as a Christian wife and mother is like. There are days where my home looks like a Matisse, and others where it looks like a Picasso! Thank you for honestly sharing. I think imperfection touches other women and helps us all know we’re not alone 🙂

  8. Oh, how I needed to read those words today! This seems like a mirror image of our life. I grow weary in this stage of motherhood, homeschooling 4 kids (age 7-3) while dh is working late hours. The illnesses and never ending issues of training “spirited” children draining all the life out of me. I long to curl up with my Bible almost every moment. I see such hope in your words that one day it will not be for nothing. Lately I have just one dream, that it will be said of me that “God was my best friend.”

  9. This one especially blesses me. Thank you.

  10. Thank you for these words of truth! I am always blessed to read the words from your heart – they bless and encourage me in the journey of life.


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